The Irony of Gender Preference: Comedian Tomama's Family Story Highlights Why Men Should Rethink Blaming Women for Having Daughters.

 

In the world of Nigerian entertainment, comedians often draw from personal experiences to create relatable and humorous content. One such storyteller is popular comedienne O Abuja-based media personality known as Tomama, fondly called "Dat Warri Girl." Recently, she opened up about a dramatic chapter from her mother's past that has sparked widespread discussions on gender preference in families, the science of child gender determination, and the consequences of outdated beliefs about parenthood. This tale of persistence, heartbreak, and ultimate irony serves as a powerful reminder of how misconceptions can lead to unnecessary suffering.

Tomama's narrative centers on her mother's first marriage, which ended bitterly due to the husband's strong desire for a male child. In many traditional societies, including parts of Nigeria, there is a cultural emphasis on having sons to carry on the family name, inherit property, or provide security in old age. This son preference has long been a source of pressure on women, often leading to blame when couples welcome daughters instead of sons. In her mother's case, the union produced only girls, which the husband found unacceptable. Feeling frustrated, he decided to end the marriage, abandoning his wife and their daughters in pursuit of his goal.

Undeterred, the man remarried multiple times, hoping each new wife would finally give him the son he desperately wanted. However, fate seemed to have other plans. With each subsequent marriage—from the second to the sixth— he continued to have only daughters. It was not until his seventh marriage that a boy was born. For years, this appeared to be the happy ending he had chased through so many relationships. The arrival of a son brought him the validation he sought in a society where male children are often prized above female ones.

But life, as Tomama humorously pointed out, has a way of delivering unexpected twists. Recently, when this long-awaited son attempted to travel overseas—likely for education or better opportunities—a routine DNA paternity test was required as part of the visa or immigration process. The results were shocking: the young man was not biologically related to the father who had raised him. This revelation shattered the man's decades-long quest, turning what he thought was triumph into profound disappointment. After seven marriages and countless daughters, the one son he celebrated turned out not to be his own.

Tomama, sharing this story with her characteristic Warri flair and laughter, could not hide her amusement at the irony. She gleefully noted how her mother's ex-husband's relentless pursuit backfired spectacularly. Meanwhile, her mother moved on, remarried a supportive partner, and went on to have three healthy sons. This contrast underscores a key message: happiness and family fulfillment do not depend on forcing outcomes but on acceptance and love.

The story quickly went viral on social media, resonating with many who have experienced or witnessed similar family dynamics. It has reignited conversations about gender bias in African families, the emotional toll of child gender disappointment, and the importance of educating people on the biological facts behind determining a baby's sex.

Scientifically speaking, the gender of a child is determined by the father's sperm. Women carry only X chromosomes, while men carry both X and Y. If a sperm with an X chromosome fertilizes the egg, the result is a girl (XX); a Y chromosome leads to a boy (XY). Many men, however, mistakenly blame women—their wives' age, health, or even "womb issues"—for having daughters. This outdated notion has caused countless divorces, polygamous arrangements, and emotional abuse. In reality, the quality and type of sperm play the decisive role, and factors like sperm health can influence outcomes more than commonly believed.

This is where actor and media personality Uti Nwachukwu weighed in with a thoughtful reaction that added depth to the discussion. Known for his candid takes on social issues, Uti pointed out that many men remain unaware of these biological truths. He emphasized that modern science has shown how the man's contribution—particularly the quality of sperm—affects not just gender but also fetal survival, chromosomal conditions, and certain birth defects. Gone are the days when women bore the sole blame for family shortcomings.

Uti's comments went further, addressing the broader implications of gender preference. He argued that anyone who continues to prioritize one gender over the other, often mistreating partners or children in the process, does not deserve peace. In a society where daughters are sometimes seen as burdens while sons are celebrated, such attitudes perpetuate inequality and family discord. Uti's stance promotes equality, urging men to value all children equally and recognize their own role in parenthood outcomes.

This incident involving Tomama's family is not isolated. Across Nigeria and many parts of Africa, stories of men marrying multiple wives in search of sons are common, often leading to broken homes and neglected daughters. Yet, as this tale illustrates, such efforts can prove futile—and even humiliating—when rooted in misinformation. The DNA test revelation adds another layer, highlighting the growing use of paternity testing in modern times, especially for international travel, scholarships, or legal matters. It also touches on sensitive topics like infidelity or unexpected biological surprises that can upend lives.

On a positive note, Tomama's mother emerged stronger, building a fulfilling life with sons and daughters who adore her. Tomama herself has turned the experience into comedy gold, using her platform to entertain while subtly educating her audience. As "Dat Warri Girl," her pidgin-infused storytelling resonates with fans who appreciate her authenticity and humor drawn from real-life "Warri vibes."

The viral nature of this story has prompted reflections on changing attitudes. Younger generations are increasingly challenging traditional son preference, advocating for gender equality in parenting. Education on reproductive biology in schools and media could help dispel myths, reducing the stigma and pressure on women. Moreover, celebrities like Uti using their influence to highlight men's responsibility in these matters is a step toward progress.

Tomama's hilarious yet poignant recounting of her mother's ex-husband's misadventures serves as a cautionary tale. Chasing illusions of the "perfect" family by devaluing daughters or blaming women can lead to regret and irony. Instead, embracing all children—boys or girls—with love yields true happiness. As science advances and awareness grows, hopefully fewer families will suffer from these avoidable heartaches. Stories like this remind us that life often has its own sense of justice, and laughter, as Tomama shows, is sometimes the best response.